Most of us wonder what would happen if we took a different path in life. I don’t have to wonder. I have a twin.

Briefly, at the very beginning of our existence, my sister and I were one. This is not a metaphor. Our genetic make-up was not merely identical; it was materially the same. For a handful of days, we occupied the exact same space at the exact same time. We were one being.

Then we split into two.

I don’t know why this happened. I have read that twins are caused by toxins or atypical proteins or overripe eggs. I dislike all of these as they suggest we are some kind of mistake. We are not a mistake. Another theory I read described it as a rejection of self. This part of me is myself. That part of me isn’t and so is cast out and becomes its own self. I like this better. There is an impression of choice that I appreciate. I don’t think the description was meant to ascribe conscious thought to what is, at this point in development, nothing but a tiny collection of cells in a little liquid. Still, who really knows the true complexity of the universe?

I like to imagine this moment. I imagine my primordial self in a state of rapid and momentous transformation. I imagine thought, because I cannot imagine myself without it. I imagine thinking of the future, as I so often do. And there are choices to be made and a map to be drawn that will become me. I pause here because these decisions are critical and what if I make a mistake? Should I take the road to the right, or the one a little to the left? I am of two minds on the matter. And then I think, what if I were two minds? I could take them both.

And so, I do.

I attended a party for my sister recently. I saw her glowing in a room full of friends who were there to celebrate her. It made me realize how much more I know about myself because I know my twin. There are so many things I would not know otherwise.

There are little things. I know what my hair would have looked like if I had dyed it red. I know that I look cute in dresses, even though I hate wearing them myself. I know that no matter what road I took, I would pursue writing and theater. I know that if I had also chosen to pursue music, I’d be in a folk band right now.

I know bigger things, too. I know what my kids would look like if I had chosen different partners. I know what my life would look like if I had children when I was very young instead of later in life. I know that no matter what I studied or what jobs I took, I would end up in the same career as my father.

The most important thing I learned is, no matter what, I’d be okay. Whenever I doubt myself, or get fixated on my mistakes, I can look at my twin. She is amazing. She is one of the best people I know. And she is me. She is simply a version of me who has taken a slightly different path. That perspective is so powerful, because I love her with all my heart. So, it only takes a little reflection to love myself also.